OK fellas – bring it in. Time for a chat. Time for a few home truths.
This past week has not been great for either of you. Shocking in fact. You might not be aware of this, but there’s now a Tennis Wanker App available for download. Seriously. And guess what? You’re both ranking well. Very well, particularly you Bernie. You’re off the scale – the benchmark, in fact. Now I know neither of you care what anyone thinks, particularly all the nuff nuffs in the public and the media, but just humour me for five minutes. There might just be one sneaky little morsel that you can take away from this rant – and privately, seamlessly, begrudgingly – incorporate into your privileged, yet apparently misunderstood existence.
First of all, understand this – YOU ARE LUCKY. Lucky in the sense that you have been blessed with some rare God-given talent that any sports-loving Australian kid would love to have – would walk 100km over broken coral reef, if it meant a chance to win Wimbledon. And don’t dare shit me with that “we owe our success to hard work” rubbish. You can work hard at making a chocolate cake out of gravel and mud, but it’s never going to win a ribbon at a fete. You have to start with something. So how about a little humility. Just a skerrick. Fake it if you must. [Read more…]