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The Whistle – The National Scandal Edition

March 27, 2018 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

The Whistle – The National Scandal Edition

Good morning Steve

How’s it looking on your side of the world?

Pretty damn bleak I’d imagine. But I’ll tell you something for free, there ain’t no “rise and shine, jump out of bed and rip into the day” back here, either.

Having had a full 24 hours to digest the enormity of what you and the oft-mentioned “leadership team” (OMLT) have conjured up, I can tell you, we’re pissed. We’re really pissed. We’re also bewildered, we’re numb, we’re appalled, but worst of all, we’re embarrassed. We’re embarrassed to be Australian.

And that’s a feeling that doesn’t sit comfortably with anybody – old, fat, slow, nimble, young, athletic, white, black, yellow, green, male, female, cricket lover, cricket hater, or any other minority you represent as the captain of our most prestigious and culturally significant national sporting team.

The rest of the world might cheat, sure, but not us. We’re ‘Straylian. We don’t break the rules. We play hard but fair.

Until now. [Read more…]

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The Whistle Feb/Mar 2018

March 20, 2018 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

The Whistle Feb/Mar 2018

You can almost hear them gathering around the water coolers, can’t you?

The Melbournians, readying themselves for resumption. The new beginning. That wonderful neutrality of all teams on zero points. Nobody winning, nobody losing. Just hope – even a few prayers – for the winter ahead.

Ah. The “industry” that is AFL. If only the rest of the world understood how important it was…

The head honchos of the game even recently accused Cricket Australia of “staging” the David Warner – Quinton De Kock fracas, to hijack the media and deprive them of pre-season publicity. Seriously. How up yourself do you need to be before that’s even a possibility?

Anyway, one person who’s not waiting for the first bounce of 2018  is a bloke who up until a couple of years ago, was there for  the bounce every week. For 18 seasons in fact.

Not these days. Adam Goodes, AFL legend, 2014 Australian of the Year,  rarely even watches the games on telly. [Read more…]

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The Whistle – Summer Edition

June 29, 2017 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

The Whistle – Summer Edition

I wondered afterwards, what Nick was thinking.

Seriously. I’m not being smart. What was going through his mind, watching Roger and Rafa thrash it out on court in the pulsating finale to this year’s Australian Open.

Where was he? Was he even watching? I suppose that depended on what else was on telly. NBA season underway and all. We hear regularly, that’s where he’d prefer to be. On the pine, shootin’ hoops.

In fairness, I can understand if he didn’t watch the match. I’m guessing for the guys inside the tent – the tournament “also rans” – watching the final is a bit like watching your beautiful former fiancee walk down the aisle with her new beau, after she’s give you the Coke and Sars.

It’s where you wanted to be, hoped you’d be, but you’re not. You’re on the outside, looking in. Superfluous to requirements.

But well beyond the offerings of the match (passion, poise, drama, skill, determination, courage, brilliance … what have I missed??) there was the post match. Roger and Rafa reflecting, reviewing, re-living the most recent three and a half hours of their extraordinary careers.

Now Nick – this my friend, is something you simply have to see. If you did, great.  I hope you recorded it so you can watch it again. And again. And again. [Read more…]

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The Whistle – May 2016

May 26, 2016 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

The Whistle – May 2016

This story, sadly, is true.

A couple of years ago, a first grade NRL coach sat down over a coffee with a player manager to discuss the future of one of his emerging young stars.

The coach hadn’t encountered this particular player manager before, and was initially taken aback by his interpretation of “appropriate dress” – shorts, grubby runners and a tatty polo. But he thought he’d give him the benefit of the doubt – who, after all, was he to judge?

However, the longer the meeting went on, the faster the red flags were shooting up the flagpole.

For a start it was clear from the flow of the conversation, the bloke simply didn’t have a clue. About anything.

And then there was his brand new brief case – perched on the table, but remaining unopened. The coach couldn’t help but wonder what was in it. A Vegemite sandwich? A pencil case? Nothing?

He was dying to ask but thought the better of it. Instead, as they were wrapping up, a more generic question: “Out of interest, how many other players do you have on your books?” he asked.

“Oh. I’ve just got the one. I only do this part time,” briefcase boy revealed.

‘And where do you work the rest of the time?” the coach asked.

“At the airport … I’m a baggage handler.” [Read more…]

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The Whistle October 2015

October 30, 2015 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

The Whistle October 2015

Well there was a bit of kerfuffle about that refereeing decision, wasn’t there? Plenty of if-a, could-a, would-a, should-a, but-a’s tied up in that one.

In amongst all the volleying back and forth between officials, players, fans, media, blokes who were there, blokes who weren’t, it’s probably worth remembering the game has been decided. It’s over. We can argue all we like – go right back to the legitimacy of the coin toss if we must – but not a lot’s going to change. Perhaps the name of the ref in charge of the final, but that’s about it.

As a final word, I reckon it’s worth taking a leaf of Conrad Smith’s book. The All Blacks’ centre was on the end of a similarly dud decision, when captaining Wellington in a Super Rugby match a few years ago, an “illegal” try awarded after full-time which cost his team the match. But Smith, a barrister, refused point blank to apportion blame. “We simply didn’t play well enough. If we had, the try we conceded wouldn’t have mattered.” OK, he wasn’t playing in a World Cup Quarter-final, but still pretty impressive, Your Honour. Look in the mirror, not through it. [Read more…]

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The Whistle – September 2015

September 11, 2015 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

The Whistle – September 2015

Not long now folks. Rugby World Cup 2015. 20 countries, 48 matches in 42 days. Most Melbournians aside, how much are we looking forward to that? Congregating in pubs, around television sets, on back decks, the Tong Master on duty, so too the CEO – the Chief Esky Operator. Can’t wait.

Remarkable to think this will be the eighth RWC tournament. How time has flown. But hasn’t there been some iconic moments? 1987 – John Kirwan’s 90m try against Italy, Michael Lynagh in 1991, saving the day against Ireland in the quarterfinal, David Campese, throughout the entire tournament, yinging while the defence was yanging. 1995 – Francois Pienaar and Nelson Mandela – Madiba – huddled together with the Webb Ellis trophy, both wearing the Sprinbok No 6.

In 1999 Steve Larkham’s field goal in the semi – how long was that kick – 70 or 80m? And of course in 2003, bloody Johnny Wilkinson, with his right footed snap in extra time in Sydney, sinking the Wallabies hopes of going back to back. We could go on and on, but I won’t because I’d get to the point where the Kiwis finally won again. And nobody wants to relive that. [Read more…]

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An open letter to Bernie and Nick

July 6, 2015 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

An open letter to Bernie and Nick

OK fellas – bring it in. Time for a chat. Time for a few home truths.

This past week has not been great for either of you. Shocking in fact. You might not be aware of this, but there’s now a Tennis Wanker App available for download. Seriously. And guess what? You’re both ranking well. Very well, particularly you Bernie.  You’re off the scale – the benchmark, in fact. Now I know neither of you care what anyone thinks, particularly all the nuff nuffs in the public and the media, but just humour me for five minutes. There might just be one sneaky little morsel that you can take away from this rant – and privately, seamlessly, begrudgingly – incorporate into your privileged, yet apparently misunderstood existence.

First of all, understand this – YOU ARE LUCKY. Lucky in the sense that you have been blessed with some rare God-given talent that any sports-loving Australian kid would love to have – would walk 100km over broken coral reef, if it meant a chance to win Wimbledon. And don’t dare shit me with that “we owe our success to hard work” rubbish. You can work hard at making a chocolate cake out of gravel and mud, but it’s never going to win a ribbon at a fete. You have to start with something. So how about a little humility. Just a skerrick. Fake it if you must. [Read more…]

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Bernie and Nick. The Sequel.

July 6, 2015 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

OK pretty sure the letter to Nick and Bernie struck a chord. 48 hours – 1.9 million people reached, 14,000 shares, 31,000 likes (as well as, it must be said, a good smattering of “shut up, you wanker” type calls).

To anybody still listening, please consider this:

Let’s not hate these guys. Let’s not spit at them in anger. Let’s understand that many of the qualities that make them so good, also make them vulnerable. Vulnerable in the sense that their self belief is so strong, their focus so sharp, they don’t always see what we see. Hardly ever, in fact.

It might sound like I’m hedging my bets, but I’m not. Bernie and Nick – in the eyes of so many (certainly mine) – have been carrying on like wankers. Huge wankers. That doesn’t mean we should hate them, or bode them any ill will. It just makes them easy targets.

It helps to understand that we all look at sport through our own paradigm, overlaying others’ performances and actions with our own beliefs and value systems. I was brought up to accept personal responsibility, to live within my means, and to respect authority figures. Tomic doesn’t – he’s a wanker.  See what I mean? Stop and think for a second – how was Bernie brought up? What script do you reckon he’s been reading (or had read to him) for 22 years? (Morning, John!) [Read more…]

Filed Under: Short Sharp Blast

Who’s creating the vibe?

July 2, 2015 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

Who’s creating the vibe?

Gee, pretty hard for our sports stars to get away with anything these days, isn’t it?

Hawthorne captain Sam Mitchell, a little “jab in the arm” gesture to an Essendon opponent, and it’s front and back page news in Melbourne for what – three days?

Then Nick Kyrgios, muttering about “scum” at Wimbledon, and it’s picked up by a court side microphone at Wimbledon. Crikey, he was just talking to himself. There’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

I was reminded exactly how much things had changed this week when I attended a small lunch with a few State of Origin types, courtesy of XXXX.

Technically I’m not meant to be telling you this because the “cone of silence” was in play. But it’s all good – I’ve cleared it with the relevant authorities. Besides, anyone who remembers Maxwell Smart, would remember the cone of silence didn’t really work that well. [Read more…]

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Play Like A Girl

June 6, 2015 By michael blucher Leave a Comment

Play Like A Girl

Given the highly sensitised, politically correct world in which we we now live, I wasn’t at all surprised when immediately after launching Bubble Boys, I was fielding criticism of my scant reference to female athletes.

I thought I’d provided a pretty useful hint in the title as to the subject matter, but alas, some still insisted the focus of the book should have been more equitably shared. (I’m guessing they’re part of the same breed who every November/December, resume campaigning for the introduction of “Person Christmas”, to replace that overweight, outdated 17th century plodder, Father). But I digress.

 To prove that I’m not female-sport-a-phobic, I’m going to devote this entire edition of the Whistle to the biggest, brightest, boldest “Bubble Girl” I know. Australian Diamonds Netball captain Laura Geitz.
If there’s a female sporting bubble that most resembles the male football equivalent, it’s netball, and Geitz is at the epicentre of the netball universe. So huge is her profile and popularity within the sport, some of netball’s senior officials privately fear Geitz now stands taller than the game itself.
So what can the masters of the male sporting domain – the Bubble Boys and their menagerie of minders, managers, meddlers and malingerers – learn from Australia’s No 1 ball-playing Bubble Girl?
A few things spring to mind.
Let’s start with balance – the merit of “multi-tasking”. Through sheer financial necessity, practically all our top netballers have a job or a career outside their sport. In between training, playing and fulfilling sponsor obligations, Geitz runs her own on-line, sports-centric fashion label. No time to dwell on wins or losses, or sit around playing Xbox. There’s a business to run.

[Read more…]

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